Express Yourself

Picking off some grocery shopping, I had my list in hand and bunch of bags in my cart. Rather than stockpile those evil plastic bags, it seems I managed to successfully hijack a pile of SWIFT grocery bags prior to my departure from my previous employer. As I worked my way down the list, I crossed off all my items: free range juice, organic paste, homegrown gluten, yada yada. I've been eating healthier and my cart was a working economic protest against factory agribusiness. Monsanto wasn't getting any of my money. After Food Inc, I was being vigilant.

So when I finished off collecting raw materials for my week of eatables, I saw a gaping opening in the Fred Meyer checkout zone that NEVER EVER appears when I'm ready to check out. Imagine my luck! Holy cow (pun intended), not only was I eating right, making my statement and saving the world, but I wasn't gonna have to wait in line.

I unloaded my goodies: organic, ___ free, no harm chicken, etc., etc. A woman fell in line behind me, as did an older dude. The woman looked at my line up of goods and gave me a bit of a scowl. I looked at her small pile of food lining up behind the plastic separator to keep her goods from touching mine. She had a frozen pizza and two candy bars. Why the fuck is this lady scowling at me?

I handed over my woven bags and gave the clerk a nod. I was looking forward to baking some serious banana bread, chopping up stir fry veggies and firing back a tall glass of hippie juice. The guy behind the lady behind also looked a bit sullen. He had a package of diapers and some baby wipes.

The clerk kept punching in sku's because I had about 15 different items from the bulk section: popcorn, rice, quinoa (keen wa), almonds, etc. He started to look a little bit chapped as well. I was wondering what the deal is. Do all these people hate free eating hippies or is it just me. I looked down to make sure I didn't have my George W. Bush tee shirt on. Nope. Just a plain Hanes. Damn.

After swiping my card and looking at the receipt print out, I figured I had close to $100 bucks worth of Freddies Finest in my cart now. The clerk looked up and sort of frowned when he said, "Just keep in mind next time that this is the express lane."

I shot a look up and saw the 12 items and less sign hanging there. I totally missed it. Duh. No wonder everyone was bummed at me. Fuck! I have to punch myself in the face. Egads!

My dog weighs 51.5 pounds

As a semi-professional complainer, I'm excited to be blown away when someone or something is totally excellent. I defected from the Banfield Puppy Mill Vet Clinic following a lousy experience confirmed by former co-conspirator and puppy parent.
Where should I take my dog? So many choices. I had a harder time choosing a vet than I did a car, motorcycle or mutual fund. Holy cow.

So when my expensive dog food store owner suggested the Harmony Animal Wellness Center I almost snickered. Harmony? Holistic dog whisperer healing the fragile invisible wounds of the animal psyche? I was dubious wrapped in a skeptical blanket. It sounded expensive and like that religion where you can't accept medical treatment. So rather than decide, I procrastinated.

Aside from complaining, I am an excellent procrastinator. I have Christmas lights to take down, a 1998 census to complete and a vet to choose. Since the Harmony Animal Wellness Center is only 300 feet from my house, I decided to walk over and see what they were all about. Suffice to say I was pleasantly surprised.

If you can imagine a veterinary office with oriental carpets on the floor (my dog went sniffing crazy!)and organic fresh coffee, this is your place. It is in an old craftsman home with hard wood floors and really cool modern furniture. There isn't a single fluorescent light in the joint and everyone walked out to meet my dog. After telling me Tikka could only get one of her shots today so they don't overload her system or scare here too much, I was impressed.

Then the vet walked in. I was introduced to Dr. Frank, but his name is actually Frank. He got down on the floor and started rubbing Tikka's belly (Her favorite. She's a bit of a belly rubbing slut) Tikka relaxed while Frank did his exam, checking her teeth and frame for signs of neglect, defect or dysfunction.

He cautiously gave her the rabies shot and rubbed her calmly when he was done. I was pretty stoked on the calm energy, friendliness and vibe at this center. I might have joked earlier, but as usual I was wrong. This place rocks, so if you're in the market for a great Vet Center in the Monroe area, give them a look.
Harmony Animal Wellness Center
505 W. Main Street
Monroe, WA 98272
hawcmonroe.com

And my dog weighs 51.5 lbs. I'm not sure if I someone lunch or not...