Express Yourself

Picking off some grocery shopping, I had my list in hand and bunch of bags in my cart. Rather than stockpile those evil plastic bags, it seems I managed to successfully hijack a pile of SWIFT grocery bags prior to my departure from my previous employer. As I worked my way down the list, I crossed off all my items: free range juice, organic paste, homegrown gluten, yada yada. I've been eating healthier and my cart was a working economic protest against factory agribusiness. Monsanto wasn't getting any of my money. After Food Inc, I was being vigilant.

So when I finished off collecting raw materials for my week of eatables, I saw a gaping opening in the Fred Meyer checkout zone that NEVER EVER appears when I'm ready to check out. Imagine my luck! Holy cow (pun intended), not only was I eating right, making my statement and saving the world, but I wasn't gonna have to wait in line.

I unloaded my goodies: organic, ___ free, no harm chicken, etc., etc. A woman fell in line behind me, as did an older dude. The woman looked at my line up of goods and gave me a bit of a scowl. I looked at her small pile of food lining up behind the plastic separator to keep her goods from touching mine. She had a frozen pizza and two candy bars. Why the fuck is this lady scowling at me?

I handed over my woven bags and gave the clerk a nod. I was looking forward to baking some serious banana bread, chopping up stir fry veggies and firing back a tall glass of hippie juice. The guy behind the lady behind also looked a bit sullen. He had a package of diapers and some baby wipes.

The clerk kept punching in sku's because I had about 15 different items from the bulk section: popcorn, rice, quinoa (keen wa), almonds, etc. He started to look a little bit chapped as well. I was wondering what the deal is. Do all these people hate free eating hippies or is it just me. I looked down to make sure I didn't have my George W. Bush tee shirt on. Nope. Just a plain Hanes. Damn.

After swiping my card and looking at the receipt print out, I figured I had close to $100 bucks worth of Freddies Finest in my cart now. The clerk looked up and sort of frowned when he said, "Just keep in mind next time that this is the express lane."

I shot a look up and saw the 12 items and less sign hanging there. I totally missed it. Duh. No wonder everyone was bummed at me. Fuck! I have to punch myself in the face. Egads!